Married

I am now married. Secretly, and maybe never to be consummated.
But I'm married in my heart, and in her heart, to the woman I mentioned in my last post.

I was too cavalier in my response. And it's been 10 years,not 5,that we've known each other, a bit of mis-direction I provide because I'm hyper-paranoid about someone tracing the fake identity back to my real identity.

I do love her, and more importantly (because I've loved many women) I really like her a hell of a lot too. She is a woman who, in my pride, I would love to have on my arm at a society event, more than any other woman I have ever been with. And she's got something I can relate to more than all the others, she;s a kid from nothing who's made herself something, picked up the polish and the walk to match the snobs, just like I have. She's Joan Blondel to my Jimmy Cagny, we're perfectly suited to each other, we get it.
And today we told each other we loved each other. Against the absurd background of her perfect life with 2 kids and an 8 million dollar home with her little pud of a husband. And my perfect life with a community that reveres me and my woman-partner (they think is my wife) contribution and apparent perfect life.

But this one and I are soulmates. Absurd. But we are, and I want that, and I will marry her if I ever have the chance, if I ever, and she ever chooses, to have that chance. And I have not said that of anyone else, to myself, in 30 years.

I love you Heather, and want you to be my wife. If only in secret. If only forever unknown, unconsummated, if only in our hearts.