This one
No-one has read this, I know. But if you had, I think this is the one.
I know, I babble about women and my ambivalence and lack of understanding. And it's been true. And there's been a reason.
Now I have a true love. One that I've been waiting 53 years for.
Yes, she's married. Yes, she has 2 children, the youngest 2 years old.
But we've grown to love each other organically, slowly, routinely over 10 years of working together. And two weeks ago she quit to be a stay-at-home wife to her millionaire husband (roughly the same career arc as me, he's a peer of mine at work).
And in those few weeks our feelings towards each other, the understanding, the closeness, the reality of knowing each other through stupid horrible work spats to sharing life's details during the day have blossomed from their coccons into what they really are, a deep and abiding respect and love.
On Friday I asked ner, through text of course in 2011, to be my secret wife. She said yet.
And I kissed her Monday in the park at lunch. Not a big deal in a club on a Friday night. But to us, it was the same as making love for days, it was the same as accepting our vows and marrying.
And I would. There is no woman in the last 20 years who I would shoose to be married to but her, that includes the woamn I've been living with for 16 years.
Romantic infatuation? Hardly. We've both been married 2 times, with lovers interspersed. But this is different. Oh my, teenage talk. It's different exactly because we're not teenagers, we're full-fledged adults who have seen a hell of a lot, and see in each other a soul who's seen the same things.
Seen the same things, and been OK with them We're low-class scrappers who've ended up in the upper crust. We know what these others thin of love isn't, that's just connivence and status.
Don't dismiss this as hormonal maunderings. This is the abused street kid from Jersey connecting with the abused street kid from Louisiana, knowing that the other gets it. The shit our peers, husbands and live-in partners think is real isn't. Holding a woman who knows what real, that one kiss that may have to keep us for months, is better than anything these shadows can give to us.
We're in love, forever. Not in a vacuous way. We may never be "intimate", we may never ever have more than an hour together for the next 20 years. We're us, and when we're together we have a refuge in each other. When we're apart we have a refuge with each other.
Would I hand 3 million dollars over to my live-in partner to be quit of her for this woman? I would.
Would I ask her to toss over her two children to be with me? No.
So we'll see. But this is really love. 53 years. And I have it.
Don't give up.
Let me introduce you to my wife, Heather.
I know, I babble about women and my ambivalence and lack of understanding. And it's been true. And there's been a reason.
Now I have a true love. One that I've been waiting 53 years for.
Yes, she's married. Yes, she has 2 children, the youngest 2 years old.
But we've grown to love each other organically, slowly, routinely over 10 years of working together. And two weeks ago she quit to be a stay-at-home wife to her millionaire husband (roughly the same career arc as me, he's a peer of mine at work).
And in those few weeks our feelings towards each other, the understanding, the closeness, the reality of knowing each other through stupid horrible work spats to sharing life's details during the day have blossomed from their coccons into what they really are, a deep and abiding respect and love.
On Friday I asked ner, through text of course in 2011, to be my secret wife. She said yet.
And I kissed her Monday in the park at lunch. Not a big deal in a club on a Friday night. But to us, it was the same as making love for days, it was the same as accepting our vows and marrying.
And I would. There is no woman in the last 20 years who I would shoose to be married to but her, that includes the woamn I've been living with for 16 years.
Romantic infatuation? Hardly. We've both been married 2 times, with lovers interspersed. But this is different. Oh my, teenage talk. It's different exactly because we're not teenagers, we're full-fledged adults who have seen a hell of a lot, and see in each other a soul who's seen the same things.
Seen the same things, and been OK with them We're low-class scrappers who've ended up in the upper crust. We know what these others thin of love isn't, that's just connivence and status.
Don't dismiss this as hormonal maunderings. This is the abused street kid from Jersey connecting with the abused street kid from Louisiana, knowing that the other gets it. The shit our peers, husbands and live-in partners think is real isn't. Holding a woman who knows what real, that one kiss that may have to keep us for months, is better than anything these shadows can give to us.
We're in love, forever. Not in a vacuous way. We may never be "intimate", we may never ever have more than an hour together for the next 20 years. We're us, and when we're together we have a refuge in each other. When we're apart we have a refuge with each other.
Would I hand 3 million dollars over to my live-in partner to be quit of her for this woman? I would.
Would I ask her to toss over her two children to be with me? No.
So we'll see. But this is really love. 53 years. And I have it.
Don't give up.
Let me introduce you to my wife, Heather.
posted by Alex Kinnison at 11:22 PM
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